Butterflies and Bonds
by Melodix
Summary: A collection of drabbles containing any and all Organization XIII pairings. Current story: "Wishing never changed a thing, now did it? Take what you've got and all that. This life's dissolving, no way to change it..."
1. Torn

This is a collection of (short, occasionally _very_ short) drabbles, of any and all Organization XIII pairings (excepting Xion, but including Namine), each based off a different word. Feel free to request a pairing/word if you'd like! ^^

I apologize in advance for all the despressing drabbles; I seem to find it easier to write all those negative emotions than to write positive, fluffy pieces. I'll do my best to break that up, though. ^_~

Warnings: The following drabbles may contain yaoi, yuri, hetero pairings, first person monlogues, implied sex, rape, swearing, angst, melodrama, abuse, kinks, fluff, crack pairings, mildly out of character characters, love, lust, hate, apathy, hallucinations, ridiculous settings, and/or stream of consciousness inner monologues. Read only as directed. You should not read if you are prone to disgust at or nosebleeds from malexmale or femalexfemale pairings, or if you are or may become an over-obsessed fangirl (or fanboy).

I don't own Kingdom Hearts, obviously.

Chapter 1: Torn - Zexion and Demyx

* * *

"You're leaving."

It was a statement, not a question. Demyx ignored it. After all, how many times had Zexion ignored _him_? It was his turn to be the bastard, Zexion's turn to feel the hurt of being ignored.

Zexion was silent for a long moment after speaking. Demyx could feel his eyes on his back, and repressed a shiver, being careful not to turn around. It had been so hard to come to this decision in the first place. If he took just one look at the other's pained expression or silently defeated gaze, it would shatter his resolve entirely, just like all the other times he'd tried to go through with this. He was just too weak to stand up to Zexion, too weak to dare something like this without all his mind focused on how it would be good for him to leave.

The trouble was, he _knew_ it wouldn't be so easy, nor would it be painless. He really, really liked Zexion, after all, liked him despite how often the other ignored him, or called him an illiterate idiot, or forgot their meetings, or criticized his lyrics, or neglected to stay until he woke up on those rare nights they spent together, or any of the thousand other irritating habits he had.

If he left...no, no. _When_ he left. _When_ he left...well, it would be difficult, difficult to follow through, difficult to stay away, difficult not to let himself fall into the depression that had been haunting him for quite a while, now. Zexion was his everything, and here he was, leaving.

Just like the last five times he'd tried.

This time would be different, though. This time he would leave, really leave, for good. This time a sigh or a disappointed look wouldn't pull him back. He simply couldn't stay any longer; couldn't take any more of Zexion's coldness towards him.

Maybe...maybe if he left, maybe Zexion would realize how sad his life was without Demyx...

And maybe he wouldn't even really notice.

Demyx swallowed hard, feeling his stomach twist into an even more complicated knot than it had been. Could he really matter that little to the other? Memories of all the times that Zexion had left him waiting, forgotten, ignored, flashed through his mind. He so rarely bothered to show up these days when they planned a time to meet that Demyx had stopped trying to plan such things altogether.

What had happened? What had changed? The Zexion he'd first met, the one he'd devoted his existence to, was nowhere to be found in the Nobody he now spent time with. Or...or had that Zexion just been a dream, a mere figment of his imagination, formed because of his desire to have someone to be close with?

Or...had Zexion simply been using him the whole time, and was now growing tired of him?

He just didn't know, and that scared him.

His mind on his thoughts rather than what he was doing, Demyx didn't notice the book of music slipping off the stack he held in his arms until it fell to the ground with a thunk. Jumping at the noise it made in the otherwise silent space, the blond lost his grip and the rest of the stack joined the fallen book on the floor.

Growling in the back of his throat – to seem so clumsy, in front of Zexion! - Demyx crouched down and began to restack the books and loose sheets of paper, heedless of order or organization. He just wanted to get out of there, out from under Zexion's considering gaze and the weight of his memories.

"Do you want some help?"

"No!" Demyx snapped, turning slightly to glare up at the impassive Zexion who stood just behind him. He hadn't noticed he'd approached, he'd been so lost in his thoughts. "I don't want your help!"

Before the other could cause his resolve to waver, Demyx turned his glare back on the books and sheets of music, stacking them even faster. Any moment he expected the other to start talking about how it would only be logical to accept his help, or some crap like that.

Any minute now...

But silence continued to reign, far longer than Demyx had expected. His stacking slowed; long moments after he'd anticipated hearing the other's voice, he paused and turned, to see why the other wasn't responding.

The room was empty. Zexion was gone.

Demyx slumped back to sit on the floor, staring in disbelief at the open doorway. He'd just...left? That was it? Just, poof, gone? No goodbye, no apology, not a single word even to say he was going? Just silence, and Zexion was gone.

He...he didn't care about him at all, did he?

Demyx swallowed hard in an unsuccessful attempt to make the restricted feeling in his throat go away and turned back to his stack of music, staring disconsolately at the untidy tower.

It was one thing to consider that Zexion didn't want him anymore; entirely another to feel, in his very bones, that the other could care less whether or not he was there at all.

So. Axel had been right. Zexion only...only _used_ people. That was the only explanation Demyx could come up with, bitter as it was. Zexion had _used_ him, had used him for whatever he'd wanted, and now was throwing him away like an old, battered doll. What they'd had, together, meant nothing to him. Had he ever been sincere, even once? Demyx doubted it.

Swallowing the bit of bile that had crept into the back of his mouth, the blond gathered up the stack and pushed himself to his feet, blindly carrying it out into the hall and into his own room, a few doors down and across the hall. No one was around; his faint hope that Zexion had gone to wait in there was extinguished as he glanced around his room and found it empty.

The blond drew in a wavering breath and let the pile of music in his arms fall onto the bed, heedless of the way it scattered across the covers. What was the point? Zexion wasn't there to scold him about treating books in such a cavalier manner, or to scoff and pick them up himself.

He wouldn't ever be there to do that again.

Demyx leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. How could he have been so dumb, so blind?Why hadn't he _seen_ what Zexion was doing? Why hadn't he realized that he was just _using_ him, like a stupid puppet?

Why was it that he didn't care?

Sighing, he let himself slide down to a sitting position and wrapped his arms around his knees. Maybe Axel had been right. Surely Zexion was bad for him; the way he'd used him should have been purely sickening and revolting, right? He should have been horrified to realize it. Should have been disgusted and glad that he'd left...

So why was it that the only thing he felt was regret?

He couldn't go back now. It wasn't an option. Maybe...maybe if he'd still been able to believe that Zexion actually _cared_ for him, he could have...but he didn't. That much was clear. The times he'd ignored him, forgotten about him, put him down and made him feel terrible, those hadn't been mistakes. Of course. Zexion _never_ made mistakes. How could he have believed that those times weren't on purpose; how could he have expected Zexion to not have meant to hurt him, and to have apologized for doing so?

No, he wasn't going back. He would be better off alone, no matter how much he wished to be back in Zexion's arms again, letting his slate-haired lover soothe away his fears and insecurities with his gentle voice and soft caresses. Axel was right. He didn't want to be with Zexion anymore.

He _didn't_.


	2. Downfall

See the first chapter for copyright information (i.e. I don't own Kingdom Hearts) and information.

Chapter 2: Downfall - Xigbar and Demyx

* * *

Vexen. Lexaeus. Zexion. Axel. Marluxia. Larxene.

Half of our Organization gone, and for what? An experiment? A chance at turning the Keyblade wielder to their will and desires?

Stupid.

Stupid to go, stupid to try, stupid to fail. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I'm just glad I wasn't assigned there. Not that I would have been; according to Xemnas' little lapdog, Oblivion was a chance to get rid of the meddlers. The ones who were just finding out too much.

Not me.

Ha, as if I would ever stick my neck out like that, finding things out. If it's gonna be a risk, I'd rather not know at all. Who cares, anyway? What Xemnas wants or what they're planning in those secret meetings they have ain't my business, and since it doesn't affect me, well, have secret meetings and codes and experiments all you want. I don't care.

Just don't let it affect me and mine.

Not that I've got much to worry about on that second count. Heh. Dem might be a bit of a naïve coward, but he's better at keeping his skin intact than any of us. And hey, cowardice is smart sometimes. He knows what he's doing...and what not to do.

Smart kid.

Just hoping that lapdog doesn't try to assign him to something he's not suited for. Meaning, anything with much fighting. Kid's a terrible fighter, doesn't know a thing about defence, always distracted...think he lets his Dancers do all the fighting for him in the field, but I'm still not sure. Haven't been on a mission with him yet, more's the pity. Could use some nice out and about time, find a new place to screw.

Ha, he'd kill me for saying that. Or try to, anyway; couldn't beat me if his life depended on it. Hope it doesn't. I like the kid, more than just as a bedmate.

And to hell with Xemnas' spiel about 'Nobodies don't have emotions'. Maybe I can't feel, but I sure as hell remember what it felt like to care about someone. Hadn't had cause to remember for a while, 'fore the kid came, but I do.

Demyx...he's a good kid. He doesn't deserve this half-life we've all got, not the way some of us do. But, hell, that's what we've got. At least he knows how to keep hold of it. Not gonna let himself die like the Oblivion crew, nossir.

Good kid, that one. He'll survive, as long as he doesn't get a suicide mission...

If only we could keep the rest of this hand-basket of daisies together long enough to complete Kingdom Hearts and get our lives back, he and I could have a good life. I'd like to know what it feels like, to love. I think I could.

Might as well wish for our hearts back direct, though. The way up top has been spending us, there's no way the rest of this Organization is gonna make it through intact. Maybe that's his plan, to spend us all out fighting that pipsqueak with the Keyblade until it's just him getting all the power. Wouldn't surprise me much. Xehanort always was that way, wanting all the power, the glory, the knowledge, all for himself.

If that's the case, I hope that Sora kid gives him what he's due. I'd hate to give up even this half-existence knowing that he was going to succeed by sacrificing the rest of us. That's not what a good leader does, is it? Still dunno why we all follow him. Guess it's just cause we're lost sheep, and he's the only one willing to take the initiative.

Whatever. Doesn't matter now. This group's seen its day and now we're falling apart. Won't be long now before we're all gone.

No matter. Wasn't expecting to hang around in this half-life long, in the first place. Hell, I expected to die long ago. Living on borrowed time now; won't matter much if we fade away. We weren't meant to exist, after all.

If only...

Well. Wishing never changed a thing, now did it? Take what you've got and all that. This life's dissolving, no way to change it.

I won't tell Demyx. For a Nobody, he's pretty upbeat, even hopeful. I don't want to ruin that for him. Let him think everything's gonna turn out fine; hell, maybe it will, and I'm just being my pessimistic old self. I doubt it, but...well, it won't hurt him to not know. Ignorance is a valuable thing. Like innocence. Can't worry about something you don't know about. Can't be hurt by it.

He doesn't have to know that we're falling apart. As long as he's happy, I'll settle. No point fighting too hard for a non-life.

Maybe we'll meet up in the next.


End file.
